“The Words I Practiced 100 Times — and Why Mental Health Made Me Afraid to Speak”
I’ve practiced this one line more times than I can count:
“Hello everyone, welcome to my very first vlog… I’m Mubashshira, starting my journey with all of you.”
But no matter how many times I said it in front of the mirror, no matter how many videos I recorded… I never felt ready to post it.
Not because I didn’t mean it. But because something inside me always said:
“Not today. Maybe one day when you feel more okay.”
🧠 That “Not Okay” Feeling Has a Name
For years, I just thought I was anxious, lazy, inconsistent. But eventually, I started noticing a pattern.
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Some days, I’d feel like I could take on the world.
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Other days, I couldn’t even speak without tears or tension.
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The smallest tasks felt like mountains. The world felt loud and too much.
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And I hated myself for it.
After years of struggling, I stumbled upon something that made me pause: PMDD — Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.
💡 PMDD: The Mental Health Struggle No One Talks About
PMDD isn’t just “bad PMS.” It’s a severe, often debilitating condition that affects mood, energy, focus, and emotional stability—especially in the days before a period. It can feel like your brain turns against you, right when you’re trying to show up for life.
For me, PMDD didn’t just interrupt my cycle—it interrupted my dreams.
The days I was supposed to record? Ruined by fatigue and self-doubt.
The times I wanted to write? Replaced by spirals of overthinking and emotional shutdown.
📖 Reading Saved Me More Than Once
In the middle of all this, I found one small thing that helped: books.
Reading wasn’t just a hobby. It became my escape, my therapy, and sometimes, the only voice that understood mine.
Books taught me emotional intelligence.
They helped me name feelings I didn’t know how to describe.
They made me feel seen when I felt invisible—even to myself.
🫂 Why I’m Starting This Blog Anyway
I’m not writing this because I’ve figured everything out.
I’m writing this because I haven’t.
And maybe you haven’t either.
This blog isn’t going to be just about me. It’s about us.
About learning how to take care of our minds.
About how books and conversations can heal what silence can’t.
About how starting—even when you're not ready—is sometimes the bravest thing you can do.
So if you’re someone who’s ever held back your voice, doubted your worth, or felt like your mind was fighting you…
You’re not alone.
This space is for you too.
🌸 Maybe we won’t always feel ready.
But we can be real.
And that’s more than enough to begin.
💬 Optional Call-to-Action (at the end of post):
💌 Have you ever struggled to start something because of mental health or fear of judgment?
Share your story in the comments or message me—I’d love to hear from others who get it.
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